Self-Judgement, 2007
Blue ballpoint on paper,
11.7x25cm each

I have a bad habit to say monologue such as "Stupid an idiot!", "She hated that", "That's not beautiful" or "Ugly, ugly, ugly!" Sometimes those are said in English, and otherwise in Japanese. However, it is quite clear that when I am saying those unhappy words into emptyness, I am recalling what sorts of bad and shameful behavior have I taken to other or in public in my past. As soon as my brain starts to recalling my hateful memories without my order, since it is too hard to ignore or keep silence, my mouth starts to speak out what I in rational side should tell me in the dark memory. And her words are, the ones I wrote in above. When she's saying "She hated that," the "She" is me and also "that" is me.
So I wanted to show people how I feel this uncomfortable moment like visually. Rational me (in right) tells me in presence (in left) unsparing words to blame my past acts and I am always try to hold my ears and not to hear her voices, but it reach me anyway because it is said by myself and I can't hold my heart's ears.
Such a pain for me, but in the point of ethics, it mightn't be so bad.